Mr Lunatik spells "Trouble"

Dear Ða&Da,

"If you've finished a bottle of whiskey before lunch time," the Canadian mountaineer told me, "you've got trouble."  Pink laments: "No opiates to send me into outer space." Constant addiction switching saved me from the rut.

 The wrong man was shot to death in a hospital this week. A rugby injury turned terminal after the patient was misidentified as a yakuza. The shooter will probably have to cut off his pinky for his blunder, but not his trigger finger.

"I went to worship my ancestors at Yasukuni Shrine," the nationalist told me. "Whenever, I have that feeling," I responded, "I give a monkey a banana."

 She found out about her husband's affair on Valentine's Day.  "It was the happiest day of my life," she told me, "I was looking for an excuse to dump him."

 Best way to lose an election: lose 50 million pension records, and then pretend it is no big deal.  Ask Mr. Abe.

 A bored housewife in Chiba becomes a hooker.  Her first customer was her husband. 

"I need to change something," she sighed, "maybe cosmetic surgery?"  "Why don't you try reading?" I suggested, 'Rewire your brain." "Reading!" she screamed, "it's too difficult." She is a whore now.

 When a member of the thuggish Kameda family was losing a boxing match, he resorted to wrestling, picking up his opponent and throwing him on the mat.  His brother yelled suggestions about low blows and elbows, but to no avail. 

 The cliterati are disappointed.  Soft On Demand assigned plants to buy up hundreds of copies of the same porno video, so "Softies" would win the porno actress awards.  It turns out the porno business is as fake as their orgasms.

 Several food Japanese food companies are in the doghouse, for removing or tampering with the expiration dates on their labels.

Bark on,

 Mr Lunatik