The 2 tickets to Paradise from Mr. Lunatik
Rented sex with living creatures is illegal in Tokyo; thus the rising popularity of pure plastic playmates. Rent a room, do your docile doll. Push plastic to paradise; eyes wide open. Spank her, thank her, kick her or lick her. Some guys get so excited pumping up her volume they blow their top. Some guys have their own fashion show, dressing her up in panties bought from an underage street trawler. Some have threesomes; getting warmed up with a human and doing Dolly to finish. 30 kilos of heavenly joy.
Note to self: Be careful talking to beautiful women. A local hood told me I "left an impression" on a crime bosses' daughter. He neglected to tell me if the impression was positive or negative.
The group providing pet performers to porno companies have demanded low fat yogurt. Seems their penetrating pooches are gaining unwanted pounds. Slurping up all that fatty food and then pumping is proving fatal for too many canine movie stars. Riding straight to doggy heaven.
Tama-keri is a kinky wrinkle in the adult video industry. Kicking an actor in his most prized possession, his "golden balls" and then making him ride through the pain to pleasure immediately after. Erika Nagai, a black belt in Karate, is a major player in the "hurt them till they squirt" genre. How did Nietzsche put it? "It is better to fall into the hands of a murderer than a woman in heat."
A Turkish acquaintance spends almost $3,000 per month on alcohol. "It's ruining my health," Ali said. "Mais, c'est la vie," he said, with a fatalistic Islamic shrug. Not for long my friend, bottoms up!
An 81-year-old man has been arrested for sex with an underage hooker in Hokkaido. Kissing an earthly angel in preparation for the heavenly kind?
"Tuna fish never stop swimming. They swim at 100 kmph. How do they have sex?" from an overheard conversation in a bar in Ebisu, Tokyo. Strange. Women who don't move are called tuna in Japanese.
"She could give a dead eunuch an erection," a local poet praised his girlfriend's dexterity. Perhaps she needs to work on the Cherry Boy Association, the group of virgin men. Because of Japan's demographic crisis, recently the president asked his members lose their cherry, and have babies. Raise the flag and do the right thing for king and country boys!
"I used to be a hippy, now I'm a happy," said hobbling man passing me some Christian literature. A happy ex-hippy hopping to heaven.
Later, Mr Lunatik.