Mr Lunatik shoots the sheriff

Dear 4000,

"You want Eric crapped on?" the eager bartender in a Shimo-Kitazawa bar asked.   "Sure, why not?" I answered, looking round for Eric the fecal freak. When the dreary lyrics of "I Shot The Sheriff." came on, I felt more like crapping than clapping.

I took her to an "Adult Toys" shop in Kabukicho; stopping to admire the line of vibrators topped with former prime ministers' heads.  "Who do you like?" I asked.  No answer, she was passed out on the floor. 　Too bad, she missed my favorite, the Hello Kitty. tool. Hello Kitty, Hello Pussy.

Ego strokes for older guys: sleeping with women less than half your age.  Women who are not whoring or seeking promotion, but actually like you.  The fractions game is best not played in your twenties.

I wondered if the American loudmouth with "Momma" tattooed on his arm was influenced by Baudrillard's ideas on images and identity. Or had he considered "M"s inked on his ass cheeks, his hole serving as the "O"? Upside down, of course, is wow.

A night of canned heat and liquid laughter was capped by flying upside down.  It was great while it lasted, but then gravity kicked in. Flipping off your bike is very temporary fun.

Nova, the biggest English language school in Japan, is closed. Call it a scam rather than a school, an organized crime. Lie to customers, lie to staff. Enforce racism while ripping off locals. Blame it on the Boss of Nova.

Neither Hard Gay nor Real Hard Gay are gay.  Welcome to the wacky world of Japanese television.

Alone and lost in a dark forest, accompanied only by the distant boom of a Buddhist temple bell. 15 kilometers of sweating, up and down three mountains, wondering how to pull this one off. Two hours later I roared through the world's busiest railway station, heading for a chic Italian restaurant in one of Tokyo's trendiest districts. Just another day off in the Big Sushi.

Cheers, L